As of late, the topic of dating etiquette has come into question around my office. Should a guy always pay? Should a girl always offer? The ladies at the magazine were definitely divided, which is why I commissioned a co-worker to come up with a few helpful tips to ease some of the awkwardness that arises at the end of the date.
THE FINANCIAL RULES OF DATING
Written by: Tara M. Guillaume
1. Guys, foot the bill on the first date, especially if you extended the invitation. Don't let the the tension build while the check sits on the table.
2. Ladies, let the man be a man. Your first date is not the time to proclaim how financially-able you are by picking up the tab. Concentrate on your date, not the check.
3. Ladies & gents - only accept a date from someone you are attracted to or could potentially like, not because you want a free meal. Anything else is utterly selfish and inconsiderate.
4. Ladies, there's nothing wrong with asking a guy for a date. Men love it. But be prepared to pay. Arrange with the maitre d' to have the bill sent directly to you or pre-pay the bill. Most importantly, don't expect for your date to pick up the check just because he's a man. While it's nice for him to pay, know that ultimately the check is on you.
5. Ladies, don't feel obligated to reciprocate "payment" with a kiss, sex, or cash.
6. Keep convo light around bill time. Don't speak about finances right before the check arrives - otherwise it sounds like you're leading him to pay.
7. Men, stop rifling through your wallet. Always come prepared for the date you initiated. Stop off at the ATM or your friend's house for whatever ends you need to pay for your date.
The B-Life Financial Dating Tips (just a few more):
- General rule of thumb - the man should fully handle the first 3 dates
- Ladies, don't just be polite and pretend to offer to pay if you don't have it. Once the offer is made, he might actually accept - whether you think it's appropriate or not.
- After a couple has gone on several dates (3 or more), the woman should start pitching in and cover some outings. Asking a woman to tip is a great transitional step to sharing financial responsibilities.
- Guys, if you're meeting your girl's friends for the first time in a social setting, offer the entire group a round of drinks on you (or coffee or pick up the lunch tab). A little bit goes a long way.
4 comments:
Got some questions and comments.
Rule number 7: Umm, look, if I am rifling through my wallet, pay me no mind. I might've gotten my card stuck. I don't have to be smooth with my delivery of card to bill. I just have to make sure it's there. If a woman is looking at me and saying to herself, "Oh God, he's taking too long go through his wallet," she is not doing rule number 2: Concentrating on her date.
Your first general rule of thumb: You assume the first three dates will be dates in which it will cost something. What if I found a way to take you out free of costs? Would we still have an issue? There's free dates then there's cheap dates, if a woman can't distinguish the two, I'll be putting my money towards a cab to get her out of my face. :)
Got some questions and comments.
Rule number 7: Umm, look, if I am rifling through my wallet, pay me no mind. I might've gotten my card stuck. I don't have to be smooth with my delivery of card to bill. I just have to make sure it's there. If a woman is looking at me and saying to herself, "Oh God, he's taking too long go through his wallet," she is not doing rule number 2: Concentrating on her date.
Your first general rule of thumb: You assume the first three dates will be dates in which it will cost something. What if I found a way to take you out free of costs? Would we still have an issue? There's free dates then there's cheap dates, if a woman can't distinguish the two, I'll be putting my money towards a cab to get her out of my face. :)
Wow... I remember after I was dumped for the first time, and went on a series of terrible dates. One guy took me to dinner and a movie. Well dinner went well... the movie, not so much... He could not keep his hands off of me. I told him if he did not keep his hands off he would be going home with a limp. At the end of the night he was mad and asked why did I 'make' him pay if it was not a 'date'... He was the one that asked me out!? Let's not forget another guy who took me to Mcdonald's for a First date (even though I don't eat meat) and didn't even offer to buy me anything...OMGoodness.
-I always love your lists!
I have a couple of tips to add. One for the ladies and one for the fellas. First the ladies. Ladies, assuming that your date takes you to a place that your first "drink" doesn't exceed the price of your meal, the total cost of your drinks should not exceed the price of your meal. This makes a guy feel that you are either taking advantage of him and the situation or you're just an alchoholic. Neither is good if your are hoping for a second date. Of course, this rule doesn't apply if you go out for drinks afterward. If that happens your comfort level has exceeded first dated status.
Fellas, if you really diggin this women, don't spare it on the first date. By no means am I saying spend half of your morgage on the first date. However, in order to get a woman to open up she has to be comfortable. The atmosphere has a great deal to do with her comfort level. And if that means spending a little more then so be it. Besides, If you handle your business and impress her it won't be long before you can take her to try your favorite mom and pop soul food joint or grab pizza. Because once she is feeling you, it's the time spent that matters, not the place or the price of the meal.
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